OK. So up front I am going to ask many of you for forgiveness. I am a little afraid I’m going to offend somebody in this post, and it is CERTAINLY not my intention. Let me make it VERY clear that what follows is just MY opinion and what happens to be true for me. I understand there will be plenty of mothers out there who feel very differently from me and that is OK. Please know I wish I could feel the way you do…but I don’t. BUT this whole blog started with a temper tantrum and it’s lookin’ like it’s high time for another one. :) I have no idea what I’m about to write or how it’s all going to come out, but I think it’s time to let the cat out of the bag.

The cat’s name is, “I’m not enjoying motherhood”.

There. I said it.

(GASP! WHAT did she just say?! )

I feel naughty even writing those words. Like I’ve broken some secret mother covenant code. Didn’t we all sign a waiver when we brought our kids home, promising that we will find motherhood “fulfilling and wonderful”? And you just aren’t supposed to ever go against that. After all, if you don’t find it fulfilling, you must be doing something wrong. Change your perspective. Stop being selfish. Recognize the “AMAZING calling that motherhood is”.

YEAAAAHHHH….Ever since my firstborn was delivered to us via shocking surprise, I made the decision to embrace motherhood. While it was a little jarring, I did my best to shift gears and go after my new calling with all the gusto my fat, pregnant body could muster. An over-achiever by nature, I took the bull by the horns. I gave up my corporate job and turned into a mommy in just a matter of months. You’ve all read what happened next. I quickly got exhausted and realized that motherhood was much harder than I expected.

So I worked on letting go. I decided I wasn’t going to have a spotless house and that dirty dishes didn’t mean I had failed. I’ve spent much of my time on this blog bragging about great achievements such as letting my windows get streaky and growing fuzzy stuff in my toilet.

But I’ve still held onto the deep-rooted belief that, while motherhood isn’t about a clean house or being Martha Stewart, it is about SOMETHING. There IS some point to all of it isn’t there? If it’s not a clean house, it’s happy kids. If it’s not a toilet that’s scum-free, it’s raising kids who aren’t scum-BAGS. Something. There has to be some reason to get up every morning and feel like there is a purpose for it all. Recognizing that many mothers feel this way, the world is quick to offer us some suggestions for purpose. Perhaps you’ve heard these messages that say things like:

“There is nothing more important than being a mother”.

“It’s the highest calling a person can have”.

“There’s nothing harder…but nothing more rewarding”.

Even Oprah Winfrey says it’s the “harest job on earth to do well”. Then there’s the Christian perspective that takes it one step further and tells us things like:

“We mothers are raising little world-changing warriors.”

“There’s no telling what these kids will grow up and end up doing for God!”

“You could be raising the next Billy Graham for goodness sake!!! ”

“Don’t undersestimate the influence you’re having on the world!!!!”

Seems like all around us people are trying very hard to convince us of the importance we’re having on the universe by being “just a mom”. Haven’t we all been corrected AT LEAST once when we’ve said, “I’m just a mom”. Don’t you dare think of it that way, the world tells us. It’s HUGELY important!! I found this statement in some random article  that took me about two seconds to find: 

 “Motherhood is the most important job you will ever have and saying so is nothing to be ashamed of….helping that child to realize their own potential and to grow into a happy, healthy and well-adjusted adult is very hard work and yes, sometimes you will have to give up things in order to do it correctly”

OK OK. We’ve all heard it. Nothing more important, rewarding, fulfilling, blah blah blah. I think it’s been beat into us pretty loud and clear that this is supposed to be the most amazing thing we will EVER do.

So what happens when it isn’t?

I respect the person who wrote the quote above for saying that it shouldn’t be shameful to admit that motherhood is the most important job we’ll ever do. Frankly though, I think we all get that part. I think we find it shameful to admit when we think it ISN’T.

Granted, I’m not in the best position to be evaluating my life, as I’m just beginning to recover from months of sleepless nights, while dealing with a strong-willed 19 month old who decided to cut all four molars at the same time. My daughter also JUST MISSED the cut-off date for kindergarten which means I have spent yet another year with all three kids at home…bringing me to almost 6 years of raising children with no real break. (And to think I was once considering home schooling?!)

But while my sanity might not be completely in check, it rarely ever is so evaluate I must. And here’s my dirty little secret:

Despite what everyone says about motherhood being fulfilling, I’m simply not finding that to be true…in the way I’ve been going about it anyway. I’ve definitely had moments of pure enjoyment, but as I reflect over the past six years, I’ve spent a majority of my time trying to figure it all out. And to be completely honest, the past year has been a challenge just to pull myself out of bed. And yesterday morning, I hit a new low. I woke up so miserable that I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I served up as many pb&j’s as I could,stacked them on the counter, turned on Sesame Street, and then crawled back into bed. I am embarrassed to admit that, but it needed to happen…because it got my attention and led me to call my mom saying, “WHAT AM I DOING?!

I am a FIGHTER. This discontment has been knocking at my door for a long time but I have fought to change my thinking, try harder, shift my perspective, and really DO this motherhood thing. What am I missing? Why does everyone else seem to love this so much???? Why don’t I? Of course I know that motherhood is hard work and supposed to teach us about being selfless and how to sacrifice. I’ve prayed desperately for the servant heart that I need to do that well. I’ve begged God for gratitude. I’ve begged God to help me see whatever it is that I’m missing. But it seems I’m getting worse and not better.

Sure I have moments. I LOVE my kids. I find that I can enjoy them immensely in certain situations. Visiting wtih family, taking them to do something new, watching them explore a different situation. I have had TONS of wonderful moments with my kids over the years. But  it’s the mundane, humdrum, daily routine of Barney and storybooks that I’m finding harder and harder to pull meaning out of. And somewhere the scales have  tipped greatly to where the boring moments seem to be overtaking the miracle moments.

Wondering if I was alone in this, I asked a question on my facebook page. “Do you really enjoy motherhood and find it soul-filling?” The responses were not what I was hoping for, though definitely what I expected.

My friends said things like, “The thought of having to be at work vs. home makes me sick to my stomach so I think that’s a good thing. It makes me happy, but most importantly it makes me VERY lucky”.

Or, “I am in Heaven! I do love waking up every morning and am so thankful for this opportunity, because I know it won’t last forever.”

Or this one really killed me: “LOVE IT!!! There are moments I want to fire myself, but compared to the alternative…this is a dream come true! And these days with my little ones are fleeting fast, and it is such a blessing to get to enjoy them every day, even if it’s just for the few minutes God reminds me to stare in amazement at His creations on loan to me!!”

Please – to my friends who were kind enough to post these things, don’t be mad at me for using you as examples! I am truly happy you feel this way!!! BUT I don’t understand why I don’t.  I am not satisfied with just a few minutes where I stare in amazement. The other 9 hours of the day make me want to poke my own eyes out. And two of these women expressed that it’s better than the alternative. I, too, have often stated that I “wouldn’t trade this for the world”.  And I mean that. Compared to the alternative, I’d much rather be home with my kids than see them raised by someone else. But are those the only two choices?  I’d much rather be HAPPY being home with my kids, than staying home because it’s “the best thing to do”. Frankly, if someone told me it was the best thing for my kids for me to work full time, I think right now I’d be relieved.

I drive a mini-van for crying out loud. Not even a cool one. A 2003 Ford Windstar wtih a VHS player. What happened to me?! I read some article a while ago that says that the vehicle you drive says a lot about the person you are. Well if that’s the case then I’m outdated, irrelevant, and a complete mess inside.

That’s about right.

Lately, every time I’ve crawled into that minivan, full of cheerios and books, french fries…oh yeah, and little human beings, I try to remind myself that there is some great purpose in this. That I’m supposed to realize that this life is transcending all of these mundane things. That somehow this is all of great importance, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I’ve grasped and squeezed every little bit of profundity I can out of the day to day, trying to glean meaning from the mundane and make miracles out the ordinary. But the more I work to squeeze out some meaning, the more it slips through my hands like sand.

I recently threw a baby shower for a friend of mine. There were many moms there who I adore, and I was really enjoying conversing with all of them. But suddenly I felt my heart grow uneasy as I sat in the living room of my suburban home, eating dainty finger food and chit-chatting with other women about what a great school district I live in and how there is a wonderful soccer program at the park district. I watched everyone chime in excitedly and inside my stomach was turning. Now, these are Godly women. I KNOW they have much more important things in their lives than this stuff…but in that moment, it felt like I didn’t…and it scared me to think of this being “it”.

The fact that we were even discussing this stuff made me want to evaporate. I felt like I could literally feel my soul shriveling. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited I live in a good school district. I’m excited my daughter will get to play soccer. I’m excited that I live in such a beautiful home. I’m excited that God has blessed me with just about anything one person could ask for: healthy kids, a great husband, a wonderful church, amazing family and friends, financial peace and security.

And it’s still not enough?  Of course I know that as a Christian, it’s not supposed to be enough. I’m absolutely NOT supposed to find meaning in all of those above things. It’s all about God. So I’ve worked hard to keep that perspective. I’ve worked to put God into everything I do. I attend bible studies, I pray, I talk about God constantly…and I try to see my job as a mother as something deeply spiritually meaningful – God’s calling for me on my life. And that is still not enough. Now I feel really guilty. What else is there?

I want so bad to emrace this as some spiritual calling and really excel at it.  I envy those mothers who wake their kids up with praise music and read them bible stories. For cyring out loud, I have a friend who stops her kids in the middle of temper tantrums and prays for them. When MY kids have temper tantrums, it’s all I can do to sit on the couch and pray for MYSELF.

The truth is, as hard as I’m trying to incorporate motherhood into my spiritual calling, it feels like it goes completely against my hard-wiring. I truly do not feel cut out for this. Messes make me anxious, the voices on children’s CD’s make me squirm, the physicality of it is KILLING me (I am NOT athletic at ALL), and kids’ storybooks are far too long and induce WAY too much question-asking. Lately all if it is making me want to scream. 

I also hate being alone. I have a deep need to be with people. I feel like I was supposed to raise kids in a village in Africa somwhere. At least all the moms are doing together! Truth is, I enjoy my kids 100% more when I’m enjoying them WITH other people. But that’s not the normal life of a stay-at-home mom. Most of us are raising our kids alone MOST of the time. So why would God call me to do something that’s soooo not meant for my personality?? If anyone else felt the way I do in any other type of job, we’d tell them to QUIT!

My hard-wiring has not changed just because I’m a mother, and I have almost literally collapsed by the guilt I feel about this. I’ve tried to suppress it and in some great act of selflessness, push through and find a way to pretend to enjoy myself for the sake of my kids. But how I can I talk about an authentic life and being transparent and then “fake it” all day long with my own children? Don’t they deserve to see our true selves as mothers? Won’t they do better to see what REALLY makes me happy and fulfilled instead of me just pretending that all of this is working for me?

I know the other thing exacerbating all of this is that I am truly exhausted. I  feel a little  pushed to the margins. My self-pity day in bed yesterday was ignited when a bowl of oatmeal was thrown at me by my charming toddler. I am so worn out that I couldn’t handle even one tiny act of insubordination (though it was a pretty good one I’ll admit). I know I need a good long break. I would give anything to get a vacation right now! I know I need more time with my God so he can restore my soul and I’m working on scheduling time to do that. Exhaustion blurs our perspective, and I need to be more aware of when I’m running out of gas. Only God can restore our weary souls. I’ve been aching for more time with Him and I know that THAT is definitely a part of the remedy. I’m going on a mini-retreat tomorrow to spend some much needed time in prayer. Maybe I’ll gain some new perspective after a little refreshment.

BUT I also know that, when I’m honest with myself, this is a feeling that has plagued me for a long time. I don’t think it’s going to just go away. I feel like no amount of prayer or pleading with God is going to change how He wired me. Didn’t He wire me that way for a purpose?And isn’t there such a thing as HOLY discontenment? Doesn’t God sometimes make you uncomfortable so that you will move?

I know this kind of emptiness can often lead us looking for fulfillment in the wrong places. I DON’T want to do that. I was saddened by this article. This mother admitted to feeling a lot like I do but her remedy for it included, “take your mom to the spa, buy yourself a fancy string of pearls, and hide wine in sippy cups at the next playdate”. Perhaps her suggestions are supposed to be a little tongue-in-cheek, but then where’s the real advice? What are moms supposed to do with they feel this way? How do they avoid the temptation of filling the emptiness with wine, affairs, or the Lifetime channel? Because that’s what many of us are doing.

I heard somewhere that when we’re sad we always think it’s because of what we’re not getting…when it’s really about what we’re not giving. And I am trying to consider that. It’s an opposite way of thinking, but everything about Jesus was upside down. He talked about things like, ” The last are the ones who are first” and “to find your life you have to lose it”. The more we try to fill ourselves, the more empty we’re going to get. To get a full cup, you actually have to pour yourself out. So I don’t want to solve this problem of emptiness with the “logical” idea of getting more of something. I need to pour more OUT. And THAT’s an answer that would be in line with my faith.

I have gotten mixed up thinking that I was “pouring myself out for my kids” but the truth is, they don’t need me all that much. They are thriving, happy and loved. They have things that many other kids don’t have. They are blessed beyond measure. Perhaps we’re all growing a little stagnent and weighted down by all of this blessing….because we’re not giving it back out?  While I think being a mother is an amazing gift to give, there is also an extremely impoverished world out there. What if there is some way to love my kids by loving others? What if I can stop talking to them about Jesus and actually show them?

I started to write this blog earlier today, then had to hop in the car. On my way, back home tonight, I turned on my favorite Christian radio station to a speaker who, of all things, was talking about priorities and how Christians are supposed to live. He reminded me of a verse I know well that states, “Do not be conformed by the patterns of this world but instead, be transformed by the renewing of your mind”. He then went on to say that many Christians are living unfulfilled lives because they are following everyone’s else’s formula… and it doesn’t work. We need to be different and think differently. Our goal isn’t to raise happy and successful kids but to raise HOLY kids. Are we going about this God’s way or the world’s way?

What does it look like to raise holy kids? Holy literally means “set apart”. We are to be diferent. As the radio speaker also stated “not to be some weird, religious freaks” but to live lives that show something DIFFERENT than the world. Are we mothers allowed to dare to dream that perhaps we were created for something even greater thanthe world’s version of motherhood??? Can we even conceive that God might have more? Maybe there actually is more to life than than my little bubble and my little family…and whether Mackenna gets to play soccer or make homecoming court.

Maybe even reading Bible stories at night isn’t enough either.

Can I dare to dream that my kids going to be OK if my world doesn’t revolve around them but I instead teach them that our lives are to revolve around others? Maybe I’ll raise more balanced children if they see a mom who dedicates her time and attention to those in greater need than themselves? Our culture is turning out entitled kids by the handful. My husband and I feel like we are both a product of of that. (No offense to either of our mothers! It’s just the way the world teaches mothers to parent). But  maybe mothers shouldn’t be breaking their necks making their kids think that their whole world and purpose is all about them.

I’m praying through all of this and trying to figure out what God might be trying to show me. I’m trying to stop fighting against something that simply isnt’ there for me. I’ve been feeling so guilting for feeling like I’m missing this “mom gene”! But I know I don’t hate being a mother. I think I just  hate being a mother in the way I’ve been doing it. I really want to reiterate that this is NOT a slam against moms who feel happy and fulfilled doing the everyday. You are heroes. And I don’t want to imply that the calling of motherhood is at ALL small or mundane. It is a GREAT importance. But for me, it just doesn’t carry the weight. I’m finding much of my day is missing my heart. No matter how hard I try to find significance in play dates and trips to the park, it all feels terribly meaningless to me. I feel like I’m supposed to be expressing myself as a mother in some other way.

I LOVE my kids. I know I do. I want to be a good mother SO BADLY. I have been trying so hard to do that because my kids deserve it.  I know God has a purpose for me that absolutely includes my kids…but maybe it’s not ALL about my kids.  Maybe He has something that will somehow match the heart he’s given me. Maybe He’ll show me a way to raise my kids in a way that makes sense for how He made me. Maybe there really is more than what I’ve been doing everyday. My husband and I are praying about going on a mission’s trip in the Phillipines in August. Maybe God is preparing me for something???

I don’t know. I’ll let you know when I find out :)

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19 Responses to “The Joy of Motherhood?”

  • Lanette:

    Would it help to know it gets better once they start school? I was right there with you until District 56 blessed me with full-day kindergarten. The only word I can use to describe it is ‘relief’. Pure relief. Hang on… your time is coming. Motherhood IS important, but that does not have to equal ‘fun’ or ‘exciting’ or ‘rewarding’. Stressful, exasperating, challenging, and difficult are the words that come to mind for me. There are some women who are wired for mothering… they love kids, they don’t mind getting up at night, they are energized by the constant activity. I am not one of them. Until I married Stephen, I didn’t even WANT to have kids. I don’t enjoy other people’s children. At all. You’re not alone. Have you seen Nicole Johnson’s skit on “The Invisible Mother”?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YU0aNAHXP0

  • Liz:

    awww Nic you are not alone! The thing that gets me is when my kids are not as excited about it as I am lol it goes both ways. I try waaaay to hard and am waaaaay too involved and it hurts my feelings when they don’t appreciate it but I think it’s just that they are fine and they don’t necessarily need all that I want to do for them or all that I am wanting them to want. Kids are kids they want to play have some candy and watch tv. It is easy to get mixed up with all that is going on in the world and what we see in other families to think well maybe I am not doing it right. I appluad you for stepping up and say this and for also looking at what will make you happier. I have begun doing a little less for mine as well and a little more for me. It’s not healthy to be too wrapped up in our kids it gives them no time to miss us :) Love you

  • Motherhood Confessions:

    yes Lannette that DOES help! LOL I think I’m just at the end of a marathon and huffing and puffing across the finish line right now. Almost 6 years of small kids at home has been one heck of a marathon. Winter doesn’t help either. Sleep deprivation certainly weakens your resolve. 19 months old REALLY weaken your resolve. I have seen the Invisible Mother skit and one of my other friends just emailed me that poem as well! :) Good stuff. So true.

    Liz, I can totally see you being that way – you’re such a ball of energy LOL. Sometimes I think we think our kids need us more than they really do. Let’s take that energy and put it towards something else, they’re ok for crying out loud!!! :)

  • I just saw this on FB and I want to say 3 things:

    1. THANK YOU. You’ve just given moms who are trapped in appearance the gift of honesty and vulnerability.
    2. I think you and I could be best friends. I laughed and cried when I read it because I could’ve written it.
    3. If you can get a copy of the book “How I Changed My Mind About Women in Leadership” and read the entry by Lynn Hybels I think it might be a crumb in the trail you’re looking for. It’s still changing my life.

  • Motherhood Confessions:

    Alyssa – thank YOU for your kind comments! You have no idea how much I LOVE getting comments like this. It’s a little scary to put yourself out there…I hit the “submit” button with eyes squinted shut and a fast-beating heart sometimes :) So again, thank you! I will definitely check out the book you mentioned. I’m actually reading a book on leadership right now…a compilation of leaders like John Maxwell and Nancy Ortberg. It’s not designed specifically for women, but lots of good nuggets in there! Also, if you read my update to this post I talk about the book I just finished, “Crazy Love”…that DEFINITELY stirred something in me. I’m already seeing some answered prayers and will be updating my blog with some cool ideas (which I feel have been God-given!) I checked our your blog as well…does your title have anything to do with the book Ragamuffin Gospel?! Love that book.

  • I know I could have written this post myself and not changed a word. I know where your coming from. My friend and I were just talking about this and what would it look like if we did motherhood the way Jesus would? We are called to be poured out like a drink offering, so have we bought the lie that we are “entitled” to “me” time? Is this really what makes us better people or better moms? I am a homeschooling mom because I am trying to raise kids apart from this world. It is far from easy, but it gives me a lot more purpose in my day then just being a mom. God’s grace is sufficient, Hallelujah.:)

  • Motherhood Confessions:

    Exactly…I don’t think “me” time is really what we are craving?! Good for you for homeschooling…that is NOT an easy thing to do. So glad to know you’re finding purpose in that. I am still praying through the answer for my family…but I’ve come across an exciting possibility and I”m hoping to get other moms on board – stay tuned for details :)

  • Hey-I’m a friend of Alyssa’s, and she put a link to your post on her FB. I’ve been ruminating on it for the last 24 hours or so. Thank you for being so brave and honest. Some of my comments below may not resonate with you, but I hope you realize that you are definitely not alone. My kids are five and six, and I feel like I am just now coming out of a deep fog. At one point, I made plans to write a book all about why people should not have children, based on my experience. Easily the first four years of parenting, I spent more time questioning why on earth God had allowed me to be a parent than enjoying the experience. I agree with the first comment, yes, it does get easier when they get to school, but it is not the cure-all. I think that I was not made to be a parent of little ones. Fortunately, that stage does not last forever. I celebrated every milestone along the way (as some of my fellow moms cried and wished a certain stage would never end). I have now reached the point where I can view newborns in a positive light (I still don’t want to hold them, but, at least I don’t want to make a mad dash for the door screaming like a wild banshee when they make an entrance). Those beginning years are just filled with so many mundane, brain-numbing, messy, bodily fluid sort of activities. And, like you, I am used to success in my life. There was so much of baby/toddlerhood that made me feel like a failure. Nothing was ever complete. And, like you, I like to be with other people (but only certain other people). Not sure if you have specific mom friends who help you through it. The last two years I’ve breathed in life with another mom who had kids in the same lifestage as me and with whom I connected on a basic level re: children and mothering. Yes, we love our kids, but no, we are not completed through being moms or even most days satisfied. She made me feel normal when other moms were planning their sixth child or glowing with love for their children, and all I wanted to do was read a book (or even pee without someone needing to know about it). Something that has helped is to make sure that I share what is meaningful to me with my kids. I LOVE to read, so we have read TONS of books. I read to them when we were toilet training. They just sat on the toilet while I read book after book. And now we are to the point where there are games we can play together without me wanting to poke my eye out. And, yes, I agree that there is something MORE. Some of that IS teaching our kids that the world truly does not revolve around them. So much about the Christian life also teaches us that we are in a fallen world and that we are not meant to be here forever. Can you imagine if this was all there was to life? wow. A few more words: yes, sleep deprivation IS a big factor. Again, there are certain weeks now when I feel like I am still catching up. And, I think you mentioned winter. Have you ever considered being checked for seasonal affective disorder? I was disagnosed several years ago, and have since been diagnosed with depression (medication can be a wonderful thing!). Regardless, much love and grace to you as you seek to live your life in a way that makes sense to you and is in God’s design.

  • Motherhood Confessions:

    Theresa – thank you for taking the time to express your thoughts! I resonated wtih just about everything you wrote HA HA! It is very comforting to know that I’m not completely crazy for feeling this way :) Parenting is TOUGH!!! My husband works in corporate America and I am often so jealous of the job he gets to go to every day. How many strong, educated business-men would be able to withstand a job that they find physically difficult and possibly unsuitable for their talents and strengths, where they NEVER receive recognition, raises or awards…or even a thank you. And where their bosses throw out and out temper tantrums when displeased with their work, saying things like, “This is awful!” and “your the worst employee EVER!”. Not to mention, there are no goal setting sessions to outline what on earth the expectations are, and no peformance reviews where you can determine how you are doing!!! I love what you said about not being made to parent little ones. I think we will all have different stages where we will excel…and we just have to cling to Jesus for strength during the stages we stink at!! I also love how you said that you share what is meaningful to you with your kids…that is honestly where I have struggled and EXACTLY where I am beginning to explore for some solutions. I have found a lot of fulfillment and life “out there” but have struggled to bridge the gap in bringing it home to my everyday mothering. I am looking into how to incorporate my kids into what I find soul-filling. I honestly believe that will solve a LOT of my issues. ALso, thank you for your thoughts on SAD…I have considered that for sure. I struggle with these feelings every time the seasons change and I know it’s a definite possibility. I am not opposed to medicine if it ever becomes necessary but I’ve prayed a lot about it and always hear a small voice say, “right now, I am using this”. Through these struggles, I am learning so much and growing closer to God through it all. So I’m not quick to change that just yet…until I’m no longer productive :) THanks again for the comments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stay tuned for more updates on the journey….I’d love to keep the conversation going!

  • […] of course, right before I learned this new thing, I gave you Temper Tantrum Number 2. Perhaps all of my pivitol life moments will be ushered in with moments of childish […]

  • Dith:

    I’m crying while reading this. I thought i was the only one feeling that i’m not enjoying motherhood. it’s a relief to know that i’m not alone feeling this. I feel lowliness and worthlessness most of the time. I’m fighting this feeling 9 yrs already. Until i decided to take charge of my life. Slowly i’m putting back what was left behind. I took a part time job. I’m working 2hrs in the morning and 4hrs in the afternoon. It was tiring but i don’t regret it. I found myself smiling in the middle of the day just having a thought that motherhood is not the only thing i can do and become. I foung a shield in the middle of a war. That’s not the job itself but the belief that i’ve done something for myself. I’m also taking culinary to fulfill my dream to become a chef in baking and pastry arts. Every saturday i’m in school. My husband is doing the caring for my son. I learned that we don’t need to choose from motherhood and for being our own person. We can choose both. It is our responsibility for our self to give the caring and love we needed. We shoul teach our husbands and kids how to treat us. By loving ourselves they will love us back. We just need to learn to balance both family life and our responsibility for our individuality. Hope i inspire you as well you inspire me sharing your honest feelings about your life with your kids. Keep being honest. It’s our path to growth…

  • Dith:

    I’m crying while reading this. I thought i was the only one feeling that i’m not enjoying motherhood. it’s a relief to know that i’m not alone feeling this. I feel lowliness and worthlessness most of the time. I’m fighting this feeling 9 yrs already. Until i decided to take charge of my life. Slowly i’m putting back what was left behind. I took a part time job. I’m working 2hrs in the morning and 4hrs in the afternoon. It was tiring but i don’t regret it. I found myself smiling in the middle of the day just having a thought that motherhood is not the only thing i can do and become. I foung a shield in the middle of a war. That’s not the job itself but i’ve done something for myself. I’m also taking culinary to fulfill my dream to become a chef in baking and pastry arts. Every saturday i’m in school. My husband is doing the caring for my son. I learned that we don’t need to choose from motherhood and for being our own person. We can choose both. It is our responsibility for our self to give the caring and love we needed. We shoul teach our husbands and kids how to treat us. By loving ourselves they will love us back. We just need to learn to balance both family life and our responsibility for our individuality. Hope i inspire you as well you inspire me sharing your honest feelings about your life wi4h your kids. Keep being honest. It’s ouonest. It’s our path to growth…

  • Wow you are brave, strong and I’m sure you feel liberated to have shared such honest-to-God details of your life that others would find offensive! And to you I say brava!! I too, although no way as experienced as you (my little one is only 16 months old) have found myself struggling with the fact that it is in no way close to as easy as people said it would be. I have literally told others that they set me up!! It is so hard….the monotony and repetition of each passing day is grotesquely painful sometimes and I too feel like I’m literally hanging by the end of a rope when the 85th Cheerio has found itself on my kitchen floor. Can I ask you how you cope as I know I have a couple hard years ahead of me? I also feel depleted at the end of the day and so many times just like I have failed. I mean isn’t this supposed to come ‘natural’ to us! What a pack of manure! I hate how much I just cry now…and I feel as if people should be more honest about their experiences…. But I think many mothers sit behind their computers with tear stained faces, Cheerios in their hair which hasn’t been washed in weeks and baby vomit all over them and write ‘this is the best experience ever’ because if they don’t they will probably want to strangle themselves…. It’s like mommy code, a way to ensure the continuing of our species!! If we tell the truth much more women will be childless lol so let’s get company for our misery! Whew I needed to say that out loud and thank you for the opportunity! I hear it gets better… I pray it does – it’s beautifully painful, but then what in this life isn’t eh?

  • Cas:

    Is there a community of moms on FB. My children are 9, 11 & 13 = special needs. I’m tired. I need camaraderie oft her moms. I need to expand my social circle. I hope to find my tribe.

  • Sophia:

    I see this was written 3 years ago. I wonder how you are getting on? I am a mother of 4, 11-9-6 and 4. I have been feeling just like you here, for 11 years now, they are growing older and I don’t feel any better, I did home-school them until last year … 3 of them are going to school now and I still feel overwhelmed, I feel my life is not my life any more, I am extremely miserable, I stay home while my husband goes to work, travels and talks to other adults and the only thing I get from him is, why are you so miserable you have it all … I feel so bad as I don’t feel I “have it all”, so, did it get better for you?
    S

  • Motherhood Confessions:

    I’m so sorry for the delayed responses to the last couple commenter here! I need to start writing on my blog again…but I done went and had myself another baby just when things were starting to get easier..HA!!Sophia, I just want to tell you YOU ARE NOT ALONE. THIS Jon is tough. I can say it did and IS getting better for me. I think I’ve learned some lessons along the way. I have my fair share of struggles and many bad days BUT I can honestly say I’ve found joy in motherhood! I’d be happy to chat more with you. I will send you a private email but for now,just know I know how you feel and thwee is hope!!!

  • Motherhood Confessions:

    Crystal I don’t believe I ever responded to your comments please accept my apology!! I hope you get this…i would be happy to share some of “coping mechanisms”…how has the last year been treating you?!

  • Motherhood Confessions:

    I don’t know of any on Facebook but WOW way to go Mama! Do you have a local church? That’s where I have found my best support. Facebook can be great for us mom’s stuck at home all the time with littles but I also know I found it immensely helpful to surround myself with o other moms and connect in REALLY life!

  • sarah:

    We are kindred spirits. All three of my children have birthdays that miss the kindergarten cut off date and I vascilate between homeschooling and admitting how tired I am. There is zero support from family going on 7 months, but they are quick to spout the ideals of a society that was designed to support the role of motherhood. We simply do not live in that society anymore.

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