Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This…

So…life with a new born, a toddler, and a pre-schooler has been a whirlwind. I’ve heard varying opinions on the subject, but I would definitely say THREE is a whole lot different from TWO. Suddenly I found myself looking around at all of these little people and thinking:

“Dang, there sure is a lot of them”.

It kind of snuck up on me though, as these little humans typically do. It’s not until you get them home and unwrap them that you really get a clue as to what’s in store. As I mentioned before in my summation of my labor experience, Garrett started things off awesome by behaving himself and graduating to the status of a regular nursery baby, rather than a Special Care baby like our other two. This allowed for two days at the hospital filled with visitors and presents and laughter and joy…a first-time experiene for Ryan and I.

And it seems that the blessings just continued after we got home. Ryan was on paternity leave for two weeks (can you believe our world has come so far that men actually get PATERNITY leave?? I can just hear older men scoff…40 years ago, I thinks kids were lucky if their dads knew their first names). BUT alas, this is a new era and Ryan took advantage…and we enjoyed every minute of it. We had people bringing us meals and non-stop visitors for those two weeks.

THEN just as Ryan was getting ready to return to work and I thought reality might set in, his parents came to visit for 5 days…yea! I can prolong real life for a little while longer! So we’re up to three weeks now, and I had yet to experience what real life was going to be like…though I knew it was looming and I would soon find out.

Well that day finally came. It was just a few days after Ryan’s parents went home to Cape Cod. It was like I woke up to a newborn-hangover. All the noise and lights from the 3-week party still spinning in my head…yet the house was eerily empty. Except of course for those three little humans I was now charged with taking care of all by myself for the first time.

 

The morning started off OK, and I was juggling everything to the best of my ability and doing pretty well. But then, an avalanche of unfortunate events began to fall, and before I knew it I was BURIED in reality…and I think I shed more tears that day than my three week old – though it was a close one. (So…actually, I guess it’s not fair to say that reality snuck up on me. I guess this time around it sort of jumped out at me from behind the couch and made me pee my pants a little.)

It all started with an email. I still work from home about 8 hours a week, which hasn’t been a big deal since I can typically do the work on my own time. But this morning my boss asked if I could get something done by noon that day (he had NO idea I was on my first real day as Mom-of-Three) So that, people, is what we call a DEADLINE. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was 9 AM. “I should be able to do that”, I typed back.

Let the games begin.

SO…I get Garrett fed and settled, dump some Cheerios in the kids’ bowls (which never stay there of course), and I (gasp!) put on the Disney Channel to keep them entertained. I begin working on my project for work when Grayson decides to dump his cereal on the floor.

“Pick it up Gray”, I say.

Now this is always a great test as to what kid you’re going to have that day. When he says “OK Mommy”, you know it’s a good day. But this is not what happened. I got the “No YOU do it” kid that day.

This begins a Cheerio battle which I am now determined to win. So I’m typing with one hand and pointing my fingers at Cheerios with the other, torn as to whether I should be using my “You better pick those up or else” voice or my “Yea Gray! You’re almost done, keep going buddy” voice. I ended up somewhere in the middle I think.

As I am trying to get him to pick up the Cheerios, the whining is getting worse and worse and I also simultaneously discover that this project I’m doing for work is going to be much harder than I thought. I glance at the clock and see that time FLIES when you have a deadline, and I stand up to help Gray pick up the Cheerios.

I get the kids re-settled and begin to work again when Garrett wakes up. Down goes the computer and I’m now juggling a crying baby in one hand while trying to wash a bottle out with other hand…I also happen to glance over to see that Grayson dumped his Cheerios out again and this time he decides to cry about it.

Just a few seconds later, the show that they are watching ends and I now have one child crying over spilt Cheerios and another crying to watch a different program. Oh yes…the baby is still crying. I start to wonder if anyone has invented anything that teaches kids to raise themselves.

SO I begin to feed Garrett but discover that this is not the reason he is crying…I put this together by the fact that he has a bottle in his mouth yet is STILL crying.

So now I am out of ideas on what to do with Garrett and am just bouncing him to try to keep him happy. I glance over and see my breast pump and realize that it’s been way too long since I’ve last pumped and I’m really afraid of letting my milk supply go…so I am now bouncing a baby in one arm and holding a breast pump up to my chest with the other. Are you getting this mental picture, people?? All dignity has gone out the window. And now I’m thinking “Seriously? This is my life after college? Alright then.”

At this point, Grayson has gone from a LITTLE whiny to MEGA-whiny…which includes wandering around the living room, bumping into things, and crying that he “hurt his butt”.

I’m now trying to console everyone WHILE I’m looking at the clock. TICK TICK TICK. That deadline is fast approaching and I’m nowhere NEAR finished. I am now thinking “That’s it. I have to quit my job”. And I fully intended to send in my letter of resignation just as soon as I could get back to my computer.

Now this is where things really get ugly. Of ALL times to do this, Grayson decides he has to go potty. We aren’t even actively potty training him but he likes to sit on the toilet every once in a while just so he can flush it. I was prepared to say “not right now honey” when I discovered that my daughter had already half-undone his diaper which I now reazlied was WAY too full to begin with (my fault) and now hanging off of his left hip.

So with a crying baby in one hand (yes, still screaming)I put down the breast pump and use that hand to rip off Grayson’s diaper and send him into the bathroom to play in the toilet.

I knew in the back of my mind that Two Years Old and Naked don’t at ALL go together, but I am so focused on getting Garrett to calm down that the next five minutes are kind of fuzzy. I should have known that the fact that the older kids turned quiet was not only a relief but ALSO a very VERY bad sign. I think in hindsight I heard the splashing noises but never let it register. THe moment things finally come into focus is when I hear my daughter say “Mom, Grayson peed”…I look up to discover that my little boy has just peed on his little wooden chair.

And he was playing in it.

So now I am the one crying the loudest as I type into my computer with one hand “CAN’T MAKE DEADLINE…WILL HAVE TO GET THIS LATER…HAVE A SCREAMING BABY AND A TODDLER WHO JUST PEED HIMSELF”

Yes. I sent that to my boss.

I promise it was at this point that I resolved that not only did I need to quit my part-time job… but that I was going to go ahead and stop doing this Motherhood thing too. It REALLY seemed like it just wasn’t working out. And, if you’re laughing right now, it’s OK. IF I wasn’t so miserable and caught up at that very moment, I would have HAD to crack up too. I mean really. This was so ridiculous, how can you not laugh?

So that was my first day of real life all by myself. It really did feel as if someone out there was out to get me that day…TRYING to get me to fall flat on my face, terrify me, and make me miserable. And they did. It totally worked.

HOWEVER, I also learned a great word that day…RECOVERABLE.

After a morning like that, I did the only thing I could do. I sat down and prayed to God to give me strength to get through the rest of the day. I knew I was going down…and He was going to have to help me turn it all around. I dumped the burdens of the morning on Him and begged Him to take it off my hands. Lift the stress, lift the worry, lift it all…and give me back my day. RECOVER me.

I don’t do well when things go wrong or unexpectedly. I am a planner. I like things to go smoothly. I don’t deal well with stress and I don’t like things to get chaotic (ha ha, that’s funny) But they do. What I’m trying to get better at realizing is that I don’t have to be defeated when it happens. A bad morning doesn’t mean I’ve failed as a mother. Even though that morning started out rough…OK REALLY ROUGH…the day was, in fact, recoverable. I could decide to let it get me down or I could brush it off and think ” there will be days like this” and move on.

With God’s help, I was able to recover that day. That afternoon we had a picnic lunch outside on one of the most BEAUTIFUL afternoons I’ve seen in a while. And it ended up being a great day.

What’s more…I didn’t quit my job – either one of them. And we’ve had some amazing moments these past few weeks.

Ah…Mama said there’d be days like this, but she didn’t tell us just had bad they could get…or how good either

Below is the prayer I prayed that day…I typed it out as I often do. Perhaps one day, you’ll need this too…

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Dear God,

Please help me clear the negative thinking that can come on me when I find myself in rough circumstances. PLEASE help me to remember that when life attacks, that it is recoverable. That I can choose in that moment to give in and agree “this life sucks”, “I can’t do this”, “there’s no way to be happy in this situation”…or I can choose to rebuke these statements and find the joy that can be recovered in those moments. The whole day does not have to be ruined because of a bad morning. I can recover…my heart, my spirit and the joy of my day. BUT I need your help. PLEASE be small enough to hear my cries God. I can NOT do this alone. I have been placed into a calling MUCH bigger than me and possibly one I might not have chosen for myself. Help me to do it right…help me to BE the person I need to be in order to DO what I need to DO.

God I am asking for direction…I know I need to spend more time seeking out the answers but I’m so tired…so defeated and run down. I am dumping the burdens on to you God. I don’t know where else to go…and I don’t know anyone else who’s strong enough to take it all. I search for someone to rescue me or to dump on and I know it’s only you…so PLEASE Lord, take my burdened and heavy heart. I can not carry it any further…

PLEASE help me in the ways you know to help me. Help me to rest in your sufficiency. Fill my cup to overflowing. Grant me wisdom. I LONG for joy and peace…please grant me these things.

In Jesus Name,
Amen.